When 'Doing Everything Right' Feels Completely Wrong: How Intention Became My Lifeline

Look, I'm going to be real with you: I spent my entire 30s following the rules.

Did everything "right." Checked all the boxes on the roadmap handed to me. Boxes Checked: Cheerleader, family college, Big 10 graduate school, stable career, starter home with the affordable mortgage, entrepreneur, tall dark & handsome mister, and I could go on. The mantra was: keep climbing, keep smiling, and just keep going. If you caught me on honest days, I'd admit to coloring inside the lines so well I forgot there was a whole canvas outside them.

I never questioned if the roadmap was even taking me where I wanted to go. I just kept my head down, followed the directions, and told myself that if I just worked hard enough, if I just did what I was supposed to do, everything would fall into place.

And then, all of a sudden, it seemed I was thrown a blessing wrapped in uncertainty that I couldn't place on my map.  The roadmap was useless. There were no rules to follow. There were no more boxes to check. Just me standing at the precipice of endless choices with no one and nothing to tell me how to move forward. I was frozen there, realizing I had no idea who I was or what I actually wanted because I'd been on autopilot.

That's when intention stopped being optional. It became my lifeline.

Living intentionally isn't about color-coded planners or 5 AM miracle morning routines; however, if that's your thing, go off, sis! Living intently is about making conscious choices that align with who you actually are and what you actually want. It involves taking the opportunity to explore life and all its options. It's the difference between following someone else's blueprint and building your own. Between checking boxes and choosing direction. Between doing what you're supposed to do and doing what you're called to do. It's the journey from compliance to consciousness.

Yes, moving without fully knowing the next step is frightening. Uncertainty is staggering. It throws you off center. But I started to realize the overwhelm comes from trying to maintain a life built on someone else's values while ignoring the persistent voice inside asking: But is this MY life? Is this what I actually want? Or am I just afraid to find out?

5 Quick Shifts to Start Living Intentionally (When You're Going Off Map)

1. Ask Yourself: "Whose Voice Am I Listening To?". Before you make your next decision (any decision) pause and ask: Is this what I want, or is this what I think I should want? Is this my

voice or my mother's? My dream or society's? My value or someone else's expectation?  Getting clear on whose voices live in your head is the first step to finding your own.

2. Define Your Non-Negotiables. When everything's stripped away, what do you need for your soul, your center to survive? What are the three things that, if you lost them, you wouldn't recognize yourself? Maybe it's creative expression. Maybe it's time alone. Maybe it's helping others or being in nature, or laughing with people who get you. Write them down. These are your anchors. Every choice you make should protect these, not compromise them.

3. Choose Your Path, Don't Just Walk the One in Front of You. Every day, you're at a crossroads. You can follow the familiar path, the one that's "safe," the one everyone expects you to take or you can choose the one that aligns with where you're actually trying to go.

WISE TIP: Start small!  Is this job draining you or growing you? Is this relationship reciprocal or one-sided? Is this commitment feeding your purpose or just filling your calendar?

Intentional living means consciously choosing your direction, especially when it's not the path everyone else is on.

4. Get Comfortable with Disappointing People. Want to know a HARD truth intention taught me?  When you stop following the rules, people get uncomfortable. When you stop being who they need you to be and start being who you actually are, they'll have opinions. They'll question. They'll judge. They'll give unsolicited advice.

And when you feel pressured to follow their paths, tell yourself, "I'm choosing to let that go for my own peace of mind."

You're not here to complete their roadmap. You're here to walk your own path. And at times, that means defining yourself so boldly that people have no room to take you off your course.

 5. Build a Life Around Your Purpose, Not Your Fear. When the roadmap disappeared, I had to grapple with what I wanted to drive my decisions: fear or purpose? Was I committed to chase what felt safe or what felt true?

Purpose asks: What am I here to do? Who am I here to become? What legacy do I want to leave? Fear asks: What if I fail? What will people think? What if I'm not good enough?

One builds a life. The other builds a prison. Choose accordingly. 

What I Wish I'd Known Earlier

Here's what I wish someone had told me at 15, 20, or even 35! The checkboxes and the roadmaps are a lie. Not because it's an evil scheme, but because it was never meant for ME. It's a guide meant for everyone, generally.  My life deserves to be more colorful, vivid, and expansive than a general checklist. And so does yours!

Because here's the truth they don't tell you when they hand you that roadmap: There is no "right" path. There's only your path. And you won't find it by following directions. You'll find it by listening to the small, persistent voice inside that's been trying to guide you all along.

The one you've been too busy following rules to hear. 

You followed the roadmap. Now what? Learn to choose your path when there are no more rules to follow with these resources below:

You don't need a complete life overhaul. You need one intentional choice today. One moment where you pause and ask yourself: Is this my choice or someone else's? Is this my path or the one I inherited?