Finding Yourself Again: The WISE Method for Women Over 30
- Dr. Shari Nicole
- Oct 7
- 5 min read
I recently met up with a friend at our favorite café, and I noticed she sat across from me, stirring her coffee without taking a sip. "I have a good life," she said quietly. "A job people respect. A nice house. But I wake up every morning and think... is this really it?"
My friend is 42. But she's also 28, 51, 35, and 59. Because I've heard this story from so many women—across cultures, backgrounds, and life stages who feel like they pressed pause on their own life years ago and forgot to hit play again. If that resonates, you're not alone. And you're not stuck forever. You're just at a threshold.
If you've ever felt like you're living in a holding pattern. Like you're waiting for permission to start the life you actually want. That feeling of being stuck isn't a sign that something's wrong with you; it's a signal that something's ready to shift.
Let me, and some stories from a few women I've connected with over the years, show you how the WISE Method can help you move from cruising on autopilot to feeling in control.
W – What's Happening?
Pause and Reflect. Step back. Ask yourself: What exactly feels stuck? Before you can move forward, you need to understand where you actually are. This isn't about judgment—it's about clarity. Naming it gives you power over it.
A client came to me feeling "off" but couldn't explain why. She had a husband, two kids, aging parents she was helping care for, and a demanding job. She'd catch herself staring out the window during lunch, feeling like she was watching her own life from a distance. When we paused long enough to really look, she realized: she'd spent 15 years being everyone's person. She didn't know who she was anymore.
That's what I mean by naming what feels stuck. For you, it might be a career that once excited you but now feels like a costume. Or a friendship circle that stopped nourishing you years ago. Or the creative life you put on hold when "real life" got busy.
Reconnect with Yourself. Journal, walk, meditate, do anything that helps you hear your own voice beneath the noise. Find 15 minutes where you're not solving anyone else's problems.
Not scrolling, not comparing, not checking off lists. My client started waking up 20 minutes earlier, just her journal and terrible handwriting. She told me later, "I didn't even know what I was thinking until I started writing it down."
I – Identify Intentions
Once you've named what's stuck, it's time to understand what you actually want instead. What would "unstuck" look like for you? Not what it should look like according to someone else's timeline or definition of success—what would it look like for you?
Break It Down. Maybe you don't need to blow up your whole marriage—maybe you need one real conversation a week. Perhaps you don't need to know your entire purpose—maybe you just need to try one thing that sparks your curiosity. Pick one small piece.
Another client came to me at 55 saying she wanted to leave her job. But when we unpacked it, she didn't want to leave—she wanted to stop feeling invisible. She wanted her 25 years of experience to matter in meetings where younger colleagues talked over her.
"I need a whole new career" felt impossible for my client. But "I want to be heard and valued" was more specific. So instead of quitting, she started speaking up in one meeting per week. Then she volunteered to mentor an intern.
S – Shape the Shift
This is where intention becomes action. But here's the secret: you don't need perfect action. You need real action.
Let Go of Perfection. One of my dear friends spent six months researching how to start her photography business. Courses, books, Instagram deep-dives. But she didn't photograph a single client. Why? She was waiting to be "ready enough." One night when we were catching up about her progress, I asked, "What if you just photographed your neighbor's family and charged $50?" She looked terrified. Then a week later, she did it! The photos weren't perfect, but her neighbor cried when she saw them. That imperfect action gave my friend more clarity than six months of research.
Talk It Out. Sometimes we need someone outside our own head to show us what we can't see. A fresh perspective from someone you trust (a friend, therapist, coach, or mentor) can unlock what you can't see alone. They can hold up a mirror that shows you your blind spots and your possibilities.
Change Your Environment. This brings to mind a time I felt stuck in my daily routine, and a friend suggested that I work from a bookstore one afternoon instead of my home office. I immediately thought it was silly. But I ventured out that same week, and something about being in a different space with different sounds and different people sparked something. I wrote a few blogs I'd been avoiding for months.
Your brain can't think new thoughts in the same old setting. Sometimes a walk in a different neighborhood is enough. Sometimes you need to rearrange your furniture. Sometimes you need to drive to a park you've never been to and just sit there for an hour.
E – Empower the Outcome
The final step is about building momentum and trusting the process. Your WISE Life doesn't require certainty. It requires courage to take the next step, even when you can't see the whole staircase.
Choose Momentum Over Certainty. Here's a truth that might set you free: you don't have to know exactly where you're going. You just have to move. Taking one step reveals the next step. Momentum builds confidence. Confidence creates more momentum. It's a cycle, but you have to start it. The women who successfully get unstuck don't wait until they're sure. They take one step, then another, trusting the path reveals itself as they walk it.
Finding Your New Chance Starts Now
After turning 38, I went to my therapy session feeling like I'd "wasted" my thirties. My psychologist asked, "If you live to 85, you have 47 years ahead, more than your entire life so far. Are those years wasted too, or are they your new chance?"
I cried. Deeply. Then I had a realization. I can take charge of the other 47. Then I started making different choices.
Sometimes, the most powerful shift is simply giving yourself permission to grow beyond what's familiar. Permission to want more. Permission to change your mind. Permission to try and stumble and try again. Being stuck isn't permanent, it's just your current location.
You don't need a complete roadmap. You don't need certainty. You don't need to be "ready enough." Maybe it's that conversation you've been avoiding. Maybe it's signing up for the class. Maybe it's admitting out loud that you want something different. Maybe it's 15 minutes with your journal tomorrow morning.
You just need one small, honest step. What will your honest step be?
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Ready to get unstuck? If you’re craving deeper guidance and accountability, consider scheduling a One-Time Consultation with me. It’s the perfect way to explore your goals and begin mapping out the steps toward your reset.
The WISE Method isn't magic—it's a practical framework for the courage you already have. You've made it this far. That same strength? It's enough to carry you forward.
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Check out this article for more insights on WISE: Feeling Stuck in Life? 4 Steps to Move Forward (When Everything Feels Uncertain)
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