Enough: The Truth About Performing Strength
- Dr. Shari Nicole
- Dec 23, 2025
- 11 min read
Last week, I asked you to take one honest step toward finding yourself again.
Then I sat back and watched the messages roll in. I heard you all confessing you’re too tired to even think about steps. Too overwhelmed to journal. Too depleted to figure out what they want.
One woman wrote: “Girl, my honest step right now is just getting through Christmas without calling my mama crying. Is that enough?”
I stared at that word for a long time. Enough.
And I realized: I’ve been asking myself the wrong question. We’ve all been asking the wrong question.
We keep asking: “Am I doing enough? Am I enough? Is this even enough?”
When the real question is: “What if I just told myself the truth? What if I stopped trying to hold it all together and just...said it?”
The Conversation That Gave Me Grace
Three days ago, I was on my sofa with my dear friend, crying (again!) and sharing how disconnected I feel because I don’t want to keep bringing all my problems and laying them at the feet of others. I found myself apologizing for the third time in twenty minutes.
“I’m sorry, I’m just venting. I know you can’t fix it. I’m sorry I keep...”
She stopped me cold.
“Listen, what if you just told me how you really feel instead of worrying about whether I can handle it? It doesn’t matter if I can fix it or not. Sometimes just being real is enough.”
I went quiet. Really quiet.
Because I realized something that hit me right in my chest: I’ve been doing this my whole life. Managing everybody else’s comfort with my pain. Editing my truth so it goes down easier. Making sure everyone knows I have it handled so they don’t worry.
Strong Black woman and all that.
And if I’m hiding the real truth from my friend, somebody who loves me down, what am I hiding from myself?
Think about the last time you apologized for how you feel. Or edited your truth so someone else would be comfortable. Or said “I’m fine” when you weren’t.
What were you really feeling? What would you have said if you’d told the whole truth?
Drop it in the comments if you’re brave enough. Sometimes just saying it out loud (even to strangers on the internet) is the first step to telling yourself the truth.
What We Do When We Can’t Tell the Truth
We perform strength when we have nothing left. We apologize for needing space. We make our exhaustion smaller so folks don’t feel uncomfortable. We say “I’m fine” when we’re drowning. We cut our truth into bite-sized pieces that won’t choke anybody.
Then we wonder why we feel so alone. Why we feel like nobody really sees us. Why we can’t find ourselves.
It’s because we’ve spent so long protecting everyone from our reality that we don’t even know what’s real anymore.
Here’s what I’m learning in this season: You can’t find yourself while you’re busy making sure everyone else is comfortable with who you’re pretending to be.
This Year We’ve All Been Through It
Let’s be honest about what this year has been.
Not the “social media-content-creator-all shiny and filtered” version. Not the “I’m blessed and highly favored” version. Not the version where everything’s a testimony waiting to happen.
The real version.
This year took something from us. Maybe it was the job that drained you until you couldn’t remember why you wanted it in the first place. The relationship where you gave and gave until there was nothing left. The parent getting older while you’re trying to figure out how to be their child and their caretaker at the same time. The faith you had in a country. The body changing in ways nobody prepared you for. The dream you finally had to admit wasn’t happening. The version of yourself you thought you’d be by now. Whatever it was…
It’s okay to name it. It’s okay to stop acting like it was all part of a bigger plan or a lesson or something to be grateful for.
Sometimes things are just hard.
Period. Full stop. End of sentence.
And you know what? Just saying that out loud is enough.
What “Enough” Really Means
Enough isn’t about doing more or being more or proving more.
Enough is the moment you stop the performance and start existing.
Enough is saying: “This is where I am. This is what I have. This is what’s real.”
And not adding: “But I’m working on it” or “I know I should be further along” or “I’m fine..honestly.”
Just: This is enough.
Your tiredness is enough of a reason to rest. You don’t need to justify it with a diagnosis or wait until you physically collapse. Being tired is reason enough.
Your “no” is enough of an answer. You don’t owe anyone a three-paragraph explanation or an apology or a counteroffer. “I can’t” is a complete sentence.
Your survival is enough of an accomplishment. You don’t need to also be thriving and glowing and living your best life. Making it through today counts. It counts heavily.
Your truth is enough. You don’t need to soften it or sweeten it or serve it with a side of positivity. You can just say what’s real.
You are enough. Not the version you’re working toward. Not the version who has it all together. You, right now, in the middle of your life. Your transition. Holding both the greatness and the grief of it.
A pause for the cause: The free tier gives you the spark. The full Blueprint gives you the fire. Stories, tools, and community that make change real.
The Holiday Season Nobody Posts About
Everybody’s out here posting their perfect trees and their matching pajamas and their grateful hearts.
What if we told the truth instead?
The truth about how tired we are of being everybody’s backbone. The weight of carrying the holidays on our shoulders while nobody asks if we’re okay. The loneliness of being surrounded by family and still feeling unseen. The pressure to make magic when we can barely make it through the day.
What if we just said: “I’m not doing well right now. The holidays are heavy. I’m trying my best and my best looks like survival with a little bit of grace.”
Not looking for pity. Not asking for somebody to save us. Not trying to be fixed.
Just telling the truth. Because the truth, messy as it is, is enough.
My friend was right: Sometimes just being real, with ourselves and with each other, is enough. We don’t need to have the answer. We don’t need to be resilient and bounce back quickly. We just need to tell the truth and let that be enough.
Learning to Love Myself Gently in the Middle of All This
Here’s what I’m discovering about becoming a woman who loves herself:
It doesn’t start with affirmations or bubble baths or self-care Sundays.
It starts with telling yourself the truth. With putting down the cape, even when nobody’s watching.
It starts with saying: “I’m exhausted” instead of “I’m fine.” “I need help” instead of “I have it handled.” “This is hard” instead of “I’m managing.” “I don’t know” instead of “Let me figure it out.”
Loving yourself gently means giving yourself enough truth to stand on. Not too much pressure. Not too little honesty. Just enough reality to work with.
Because you can’t love a version of yourself you’re performing. You can only love the woman you actually are. And you can only be her if you stop pretending to be somebody else.
Even when that somebody else is who you used to be. Even when you’re grieving her while becoming someone new.
Small Acts of Enough (When Everything Feels Like Too Much)
If you have any energy left (and it’s okay if you don’t), try these:
For Your Body: “I’m tired. That’s enough reason to rest.” Not: “I’m tired, but I should push through.” Just: “I’m tired.” Full stop. Enough.
For Your Feelings: “I’m not okay right now. That’s allowed.” Not: “I’m not okay, but I should be grateful.” Just: “I’m not okay.” No explanation needed. Enough.
For Your People: “I can’t do it this time.” Not: “I can’t do it, I’m so sorry, maybe next time, let me make it up to you.” Just: “I can’t.” That’s enough.
For Your Expectations: “This is what I have today.” Not: “I know it’s not much, but this is what I have today.” Just: “This is what I have.” It’s enough.
The Difference Between Giving Up and Giving Enough
Giving up says: “I’ll never be enough.” Giving enough says: “I already am.”
Giving up is defeat. Giving enough is recognition.
You’re not abandoning yourself when you say “this is enough.” You’re finally seeing yourself clearly. You’re finally treating yourself like somebody who deserves gentleness instead of constant critique.
You’re holding space for both the person you’re becoming and the person you’re leaving behind. For the greatness of stepping into something new and the grief of letting go of what was.
Both can be true. Both are enough.
What Happened When I Told Myself the Truth
I sat with my therapist last Saturday, drowning in anxiety and apathy because I couldn’t hold it together enough to “get it done.”
She asked: “What’s actually true right now?”
I took a breath. Exhaled exhausted. “I’m tired. Really tired. I don’t want to fix anything or figure out anything. I’m lonely, and I just want to feel understood and feel connected again.”
“Okay,” she said. “What if that’s enough? What if you just told yourself: I’m exhausted, and I need to find connection through honesty. That’s the truth. That’s enough.”
I looked at her like she was speaking in riddles. “But I should be…”
“What if we skip the ‘should’ and just stay with what’s real?”
Two days later, I sat with my friend on my sofa. I stopped trying to be okay. I just let myself be myself. I shared: I’m lonely in this shift and I just need your presence.
And you know what? Nobody died. The world kept spinning. And for the first time in months, I felt connected.
Because I finally told the truth. And the truth was enough.
Has anyone else experienced this? That moment when you finally stopped performing and just told the truth, and instead of the world ending, something actually shifted?
Or maybe you’re still in the performing stage and you’re exhausted from it?
Share your story. Real stories matter more than perfect advice. Your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.
Your Step Might Just Be Honesty
If last week I asked you to take an honest step and you couldn’t, maybe the step is simpler than you think.
Maybe it’s just telling yourself what’s real.
Not: “I’m struggling, but I’ll figure it out.” Just: “I’m struggling.”
Not: “I’m tired, but I can push through.” Just: “I’m tired.”
Not: “This is hard, but I’m blessed.” Just: “This is hard.”
Because here’s what I’m learning in this season of transition: You become who you’re meant to be by telling yourself the truth. You transform by giving yourself enough honesty to work with. You find yourself by stopping the performance, even when you’re the only one watching.
You don’t need to do more or be more or fix more.
You just need to tell yourself what’s real. And let that be enough.
Even when what’s real is: I’m in the middle of something big, and I’m holding both the joy of it and the sadness of it, and I don’t know how this story ends.
That’s enough.
Becoming Someone Who Loves Themselves Gently
Gentle self-love isn’t about vision boards and Sunday routines.
It’s about giving yourself enough. Not too much pressure. Not too little truth. Just enough reality, enough rest, enough honesty, enough space to be human while you figure out who you’re becoming.
It’s about becoming somebody who says:
“I’m doing my best. That’s enough.”
“I need help. That’s enough reason to ask.”
“I’m not okay. That’s enough to honor.”
“This is what I have today. That’s enough to offer.”
You become this slowly. Not by trying harder. By stopping the performance. By telling the truth, even when (especially when) nobody’s watching.
By giving yourself the same grace you give everybody else. By letting yourself be exactly where you are and calling it enough.
Even in transition. Even in grief. Even while you’re becoming.
The January I’m Not Performing For
I know what’s coming. January with all its pressure and promises.
“New Year, New You.” Everybody talking about their word of the year and their vision boards and their transformation plans.
Here’s what I’m saying: I’m not performing for January.
I’m entering the new year exactly as I am—tired, changing, still figuring it out, holding both the greatness and the grief of this transition.
I’m not starting strong. I’m starting honest.
And that’s enough.
Because real change doesn’t come from performing strength you don’t have. It comes from telling the truth about where you actually are.
The truth is always enough of a place to start.
What I Need You to Hear
If you’re reading this while hiding in your room during a family gathering, or sitting in your car because it’s the only place you can breathe, or scrolling at 2 a.m. because sleep won’t come.
Just for right now, tell yourself what’s real:
How you actually feel
What you actually need
Where you actually are
No editing. No softening. No “but I’m blessed.”
Just the truth.
And then tell yourself: This is enough.
Your exhaustion is enough. Your transition is enough. Your both/and (the greatness and the grief) is enough. You are enough.
Not the woman you used to be. Not the woman you think you should be by now. You, right here, in the messy middle of becoming.
Because my friend was right: Sometimes just being real, really real, with the full truth of who you are is enough.
You don’t need to fix it. You don’t need to explain it. You just need to tell yourself the truth and let that be enough.
One More Thing
That woman who asked me: “Is that enough?”
I want to answer her directly, and I want to answer you: Yes. It’s enough.
Your survival is enough. Your honesty is enough. Your exhaustion is enough reason to rest. Your truth is enough of a place to start. You are enough.
Right now. In the middle of the holidays. In the midst of your own transition. Holding the greatness and the grief all at once.
That’s not settling. That’s not giving up. That’s not playing small.
That’s loving yourself gently. That’s becoming by being. That’s finding yourself by finally telling the truth about who you already are.
So here’s what I’m doing this week, and you can do it with me:
Practice enough. Tell myself the truth. Let it be exactly what it is. No performance. No apology. No making it easier for anybody else to digest.
Just: This is what’s true. This is where I am. This is enough.
Because it is.
You are.
Enough.
Before You Go
I want to know: What truth have you been avoiding telling yourself?
Not the polished version. Not the “I’m working on it” version. The real, uncomfortable, honest truth about where you are right now.
You can say it anonymously. You can whisper it in the comments. You can just think it quietly to yourself.
But try saying it. Because the truth is always enough of a place to start.
If this article resonated with you:
Share it with one person who needs to hear “you are enough”
Save it for the next time you’re performing instead of being
Hit reply and tell me which part landed hardest (I read every response)
And remember: Your survival this holiday season? That’s enough.
Your truth, however messy? That’s enough.
You, exactly as you are right now? Enough.
Unsure where to begin or what services will work best for you? This is an opportunity to work directly with me and discover what your current challenges are. You will leave this session with an understanding of the 1st step you can take and a game plan for getting started!
You don’t need a complete life overhaul. You need one intentional choice today. One moment where you pause and ask yourself: Is this my choice or someone else’s? Is this my path or the one I inherited?
Learn more at www.drsharinicole.com or reach out at hello@drsharinicole.com. Let’s figure out your next WISE move together.
PS: If you came here from Instagram, from a retreat, from the WISE Journal, or from someone who shared this with you, I’m so glad you’re here. There is room for you in this circle.
I’m building a life between North America and East Africa. Learning a new language. Planning a wedding across continents. Rebuilding everything I thought I’d stabilized. Some days with grace. Some days with tears. All days with intention. This is that story, messy, honest, and yours if you need it.
This article is part of an ongoing series about navigating major life transitions with intention, honoring both the grace and the bathroom floor tears. Because the journey of designing the life you actually want, not the one you’re supposed to want, deserves to be witnessed, shared, and celebrated.
If you’ve found this helpful as you navigate becoming, consider subscribing, sharing with a friend, or leaving a note for me. I’ll be reading!
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